First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
