You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
