I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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