Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
