That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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