The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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