If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
God, I missed his penis.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
