we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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