I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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