Can i not drive my cunt home
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
