walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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