I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
