I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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