im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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