how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
