i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
