btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize