and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I supernannyed him into submission
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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