walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i love accidental penises.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
