Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love accidental penises.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Two words: blizzard sex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
