Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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