I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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