Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize