he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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