Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do herpes really smell.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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