Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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