bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize