careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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