you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
