What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
