How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
