In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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