she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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