Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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