Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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