I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my shit smells like andre
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
