i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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