Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
