Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
