I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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