Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
