Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
