what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Boobs are out for the taking
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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