he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
