dude i'm inner monologue high
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dignity is for republicans.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
