I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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