all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
