This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
