Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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