we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
