What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
