I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
