Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
