So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
