i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
