I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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