craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize