I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
