How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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